A parent’s guide to understanding and supporting your child
Introduction
Your child or teen seems to feel better after their counselling sessions—they may even say it’s “helpful”, yet when it is time for the next session, resistance kicks in. “Do I have to go?” becomes a common refrain, leaving you wondering what is really going on and whether you should continue.
This push-and-pull dynamic is more common than you might think, and it does not necessarily mean the sessions are not working. Instead, it often reflects the very nature of growth—uncomfortable but essential.
In this blog, I unpack some of the reasons children and teens (and even yourself) might avoid sessions and explore ways to help them (and you) feel more comfortable and receptive to the process.
Why Kids and Teens (and adults) Resist Counselling
Talking About the Hard Stuff Feels Overwhelming
Counselling often requires exploring uncomfortable emotions, fears, or challenges. For many young people, this can feel intimidating—especially if they are not used to opening up, do not yet have the words to express what is going on inside, or how to understand what they are processing.
Learning Tools Can Be Frustrating
Learning strategies for managing emotions or behaviours is one thing, but putting them into practice is another. Often, it is easier to stick with old habits—even when they are no longer beneficial—than to take the time and effort to learn healthier ones. It is natural to fall into default patterns because they feel familiar and comfortable. Counselling, however, challenges us to grow and implement new habits, pushing us out of our comfort zones. Change is not always easy, especially for children or neurodiverse individuals, and for most individuals, this process can feel daunting and overwhelming.
Facing Their Fears is Scary
Counselling encourages kids to manage the things they would rather avoid—whether it is a social situation, a personal fear, or a tough conversation. That can feel scary, even when they know it is beneficial because it is taking them outside of their comfort zone.
They Worry About Being “Different”
For many children and teens, the fear of being “different” from their peers looms large in their space. Attending counselling might feel like an admission that something is “wrong” with them, even though that could not be further from the truth. This fear often stems from the pressure to fit in and the misconception that seeking help is a sign of weakness rather than strength. Teaching your child or teen the difference between belonging and fitting in is essential in creating a sense of security and autonomy when it comes to attending counselling. Belonging is about being accepted for who you truly are, while fitting in often involves suppressing parts of yourself to meet others’ expectations. Helping them embrace their unique journey and view counselling as a tool for self-growth can empower them to feel more confident and less concerned about how others perceive them.
The Discomfort of Growth
Growth and change are often uncomfortable. Counselling challenges them to think differently, try new approaches, and reflect on their behaviours—things that can feel unsettling, even if they lead to positive outcomes.
Is it the Process or the Counsellor?
Here are a few pointers to help you determine whether the resistance is toward the counselling process itself or the counsellor:
Observe Post-Session Feedback:
– If your child generally feels better after a session (remember there are sessions where more difficult conversations are discussed being cheerful after every session is not always possible) or mentions that they find the strategies helpful, the resistance is likely about the discomfort of the process, not the counsellor.
– If they consistently leave sessions feeling upset, unheard, or frustrated, it may point to a lack of connection with the counsellor.
Ask Open-Ended Questions:
– For example: “What’s the hardest part about counselling for you?” or “Is there anything you wish was different about your sessions?”
– Their answers can give insight into whether the issue is the process (e.g., it’s hard to talk about emotions) or the relationship (e.g., “I don’t feel understood”).
Watch for Patterns:
– Resistance focused on attending sessions, but no specific complaints about the counsellor, may indicate discomfort with growth or facing challenges.
– Negative comments about the counsellor’s approach, style, or personality, especially over time, may suggest a mismatch.
Notice Avoidance Triggers:
– If they avoid sessions after particularly challenging discussions or exercises, it could indicate resistance to the process.
– If they are reluctant regardless of session content, this might reflect discomfort with the counsellor.
Trust Your Instincts as a Parent:
– If something feels “off” in the dynamic, it’s worth discussing with the counsellor to see if adjustments can be made or if a change might be needed. A good counsellor should be open to these discussions and conversations.
Ultimately, both situations are manageable with open communication, reassurance, and a collaborative approach to finding what works best for your child’s needs (your needs).
How to Help Your Child or Teen (and you) Feel More Confident About Counselling
Here are some strategies to help your child feel more centred, supported, and willing to engage in their counselling journey:
Validate Their Feelings
Acknowledge their concerns and fears without judgement. Let them know it’s okay to feel hesitant or uncomfortable and that you are there to support them.
Reframe the Purpose of Counselling
Explain that counselling is not about “fixing” them—it is about equipping them with tools to feel more confident and able to manage their emotions and experiences.
Highlight the SIW (Supportive and Integrative Wellness) Approach
Unlike one-size-fits-all methods, the SIW approach is tailored to their unique needs, focusing on their whole-person wellness. It’s not just about talking—it’s about discovering strategies that fit them.
Break Away from Pop Psychology and Social Media Myths
Help them understand that counselling is not about trendy buzzwords or shallow quick fixes. Instead, it is a personalised journey that supports their real-life growth and wellness.
Involve Them in Aim-Setting
Collaborate on their counselling goals so they feel ownership of the process. When they can see how the sessions connect to their own desires (e.g., improving friendships, managing stress, or feeling more confident), they are more likely to engage.
Normalise the Experience
Share that counselling is a common and healthy practice for people of all ages, whether they are working through challenges or simply seeking personal growth.
Create a Positive and Affirming Pre-Session Ritual
Encourage activities that help them feel centred before sessions, like listening to their favourite music, having a snack, or practising a grounding exercise.
Check In Without Pressure
After sessions, ask open-ended questions about what they found helpful or interesting. Focus on their experience rather than the specifics to respect their privacy and build trust.
Conclusion: Growth is Uncomfortable—And that is Okay!
It is important to remember that resistance to counselling does not mean it is failing. Often, it is a natural response to the discomfort that comes with growth and change. By supporting your child with patience, compassion, and understanding, you can help them navigate this process and embrace the opportunities for positive transformation. Counselling is not just about addressing challenges—it is about equipping children and teens with the tools they need to thrive, no matter what life throws their way. Counselling is learning to manage life’s curve balls with flair.
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